Talk And Co

Ten Tips for Increasing Your Sex Drive (NSFW)

erotic photography richard northwood

Photo by Richard Northwood

Lovers, here’s a little secret for you. Over half the women I know who are challenged by maintaining their sex drive tell me that life is too busy to focus on sex. Responsibilities like work, home upkeep, children and pets all seem to get in the way. Often, we are the very last thing on the to-do list, and we’re usually too tired for sex. Pretty sad news with Valentine’s Day around the corner!

What if I told you an active sex life is as important to your body and soul as going to the gym, or yoga, or meditating? Like other forms of exercise, sexual activity is rejuvenating and restorative and can fill up your energy reservoir. Whether you have a partner to share your sexuality with, or if you are the only one currently enjoying your sexual self, a good hearty helping of orgasmic yum is a vital part of a balanced, happy you.

As I fell out of bed this morning, simultaneously trying to put on some pants and collect a sleepy toddler, the last thing on my mind was feeling sexy, but even in the midst of our busy lives, I think we deserve little reminders of our sensual selves. One of the easiest ways to keep in touch with your mojo is to surround yourself with things that make you feel sexy.

Guys, these simple tips can help you turn your bachelor pad into a serious love shack where your lady friends will feel welcome, and most importantly, at ease. If you’re partnered up, these simple adjustments to your love nest will score major bj points. Ladies,build simple, beautiful reminders of sex into your home, and you just might notice that you’re getting done as frequently as the laundry.

Playboy Mommy’s Top Ten Tips for Sensual Living:

1.) Keep your space clean, and clutter-free.
Relaxation is key to enjoying sexy times. If you devote a couple of short hours each week to a thorough tidy-up (enlisting the other members of your household, particularly any who may want to get it on with you) your space will be filled with harmony, ready for surprise drop-ins at any moment, and a lovely, welcoming place for you to unwind and let loose.

2.) Add flowers to your favorite rooms.
If you or your housemates are free of flower allergies, this is a simple, easy way to romance yourself. Weekend markets offer a wide array of bright, affordable blooms and one of my favorite Saturday rituals is strolling through the market stalls and selecting some fragrant buds to arrange at home. Fellas, choose simple tropical flowers, which are more sculptural and bold than girlie and pretty (Bird of Paradise is a nice choice). If you’re worried that flowers in your man cave may send the wrong message, tell her one of your female colleagues bought them as a thank you gift, and be elusive about the project that you helped said colleague with.

3.) Candles add instant sexy to any space.
Choose simple, neutral colors and quality candles that will burn nicely and not make a huge mess. Scented candles can be lovely too, but not everyone enjoys scented stuff. Sometimes an overpowering fragrance can be a huge buzz kill. A mild vanilla scent is almost always a safe bet because most people love the smell of cookies, unless they are evil.

4.) Pamper!
We just don’t give ourselves enough time to simply luxuriate and pamper ourselves. Men, this goes for you too. Once a week, set aside an hour for yourself to relax in the tub, or have an extra long, steamy shower. Make sure your hands and feet are in great shape. Groom any body hair that needs maintenance. Enjoy your favorite bath and body treatments, and really focus on your skin, and the sensation of your own attention on your body. If you can afford to take more than an hour per week, really max out your time here and enjoy each moment of peace. I often fake constipation so I have a great excuse for prolonged bathroom visits.

5.) Consider set decorating.
One simple, sexy prop strategically placed in your bedroom and bathroom can be all the gentle reminder that you need to maintain your own sense of sensuality. Hang your favorite silk slip or negligée on the back of your bedroom door. Make a date with yourself to sleep in it at least once a week, whether or not you have company. Hand wash your sexiest lingerie and hang it up in the bathroom to be discovered. Spend a lazy Sunday with nothing on but your favorite sexy robe, with a touch of makeup and some attention to your hair, if that makes you feel sexier. If you don’t own lingerie, please, please do yourself a favor and buy a couple of pieces to get started – even if there is no lover immediately on the horizon. Guys, nothing makes a woman crazier than a thick, white, terry cloth robe. Even if you don’t think you’ll ever wear one, buy one ASAP and use it as a prop in your room. Something about these makes us think of steamy hot showers and blow jobs. No joke. Just remember to cut the tags off.

6.) Eat chocolate.
Unless you have an allergy (my condolences) or just aren’t into it (though I’m not sure how that’s possible) you should have a bar of high quality, dark chocolate on hand no matter what. One little square is sometimes all you need to satisfy a craving, at least a sugar craving, and chocolate can come in handy in all kinds of other ways. It’s nice to keep whipping cream on hand all of the time, because you never know when you might need it. On someone’s belly.

7.) Bottoms Up!
Little else beats the perfect cocktail or glass of wine at the end of the work day as you’re unwinding or enjoying dinner. I’m not talking about tying one on, I’m just talking about that savory experience of appreciating your favorite grown-up drink, like those sexy Europeans. There’s even a fair bit of research that indicates moderate drinking can be good for your heart. For you non-drinkers, maybe your grown-up drink of choice is an exotic tea blend. Whatever your choice is, make it into a little ritual where you simply focus on taste, and how that particular liquid makes your body feel.

8.) Read grown up bedtime stories.
Long before I became a writer, I learned to love reading erotica. As tweens, my friends and I would buy second-hand romance novels, the ridiculously over-the-top ones with heaving bosoms and swarthy pirates, and highlight all of the sex scenes. We’d read these to each other at slumber parties with sheer delight. Erotica now has mass appeal, and there really is something for everyone. I recommend this as an alternative to porn, if porn isn’t your thing because it engages the imagination, and really gets your sensual brain in overdrive. The mind is the most important sex organ, and one or two naughty bedtime stories will add spark to your waking life, and weave some seriously yummy themes through your dreaming.

9.) Exercise.
If you want your body to feel alive and sexy, you have to take good care of it. This may seem really obvious, but we often find ourselves so bogged down by work and life that fitness and nutrition take a real back seat to everything else. Make sure you are doing some type of exercise activity each and every day, and take a look at the fuel you are giving your body. I’ve recently been through a total overhaul, and I can’t tell you what a difference it has made to my self-image and sex life. Meowr.

10.) Enjoy solo play dates.
If you don’t masturbate, it’s time to start. Self-love is absolutely essential to a great sex life, and overall wellness, and anyone who tells you any different has some other agenda that you don’t need to concern yourself with. Understanding how your body works and what you enjoy in terms of touch and stimulus is the key to great partner sex. If you don’t masturbate daily, start by promising to explore your own body weekly. Don’t pressure yourself to have an orgasm, just really enjoy the process. The only goal here is to explore and see what your body can teach you.

Even if you can’t implement all ten tips, challenge yourself to try as many as you can. When we take the time to focus on our sensual selves, when we embrace sensuality as part of our daily grind (I couldn’t resist), and we open doors to sensual possibilities that might have otherwise been lost to the daily shuffle. Life is too short to not be a little bit sexy every day.

Canadian writer Cat Skinner has been writing for Playboy Mommy, a lifestyle blog, since 2008. Originally a personal journal, Playboy Mommy has evolved to include witty and insightful posts on parenting, cooking, shopping, homeschooling, gardening, fashion, relationships, keeping a home, and the experience of being a contemporary woman and mother. Cat is excitedly hacking away at her first novel.